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[ Within an hour or so of the ship being restored, this goes up. Harry writes quickly, particularly when he feels it's urgent. ]
I do not deserve it, but I humbly beg Forgiveness of each of you, for subjecting you to the Horrors of my own Guilt made manifest in that most dreadful of Nightmares.
I am sorriest in particular for what I, possessed by a Nightmare Soul, perpetuated against Mr. Dorian Gray and Miss Trixie, and I do not know what manner of Amends I may make. Mr. Gray was tortured terribly at my hands in the Pursuit of Scientific Inquiry, which in no way excuses my Crimes and indeed only renders them all the more Reprehensible. I treated Miss Trixie in a cold, High-Handed manner that she did not deserve, for she was only attempting to come to my Aid. It is She I have to thank for restoring me to my Senses, and I believe all should be grateful to her for that.
To everyone I owe some manner of Explanation.
My brother and I were students of one Dr. Robert Knox, notorious in Edinburgh for his association with the infamous Murderers, Burke and Hare. My brother always believed him Innocent of any Complicity, and perhaps he was, but I think I always harboured a certain Dread that one day my own Passion for Knowledge would overtake my Morals, just as may or may not have occurred with Knox.
Before I woke here, in this Dream-world, I was in the last extremity of the Arctic expedition, and there I committed certain Deeds that I regret to this very Moment. I permitted myself to be coerced into desecrating a Body at the behest of a Villain of the highest degree—the purpose being to prepare the poor man's flesh for Consumption—after which I engineered my own Death so as to also encompass that Villain's Destruction as well. When the Tuunbaq attacked us last week, I believed it was a Punishment for which I had been waiting all along. I dare say that it has been apparent to all that I have not been well since then—since some time before then, perhaps. In the depths of my Guilt and Self-Recrimination, I believed I had become that which I feared—a Beast on the order of the one who destroyed me, a Monster without Humanity.
Whilst I still have much to Repent, I believe I see Matters more clearly now. I am sorry—most deeply sorry—for not having sought Help before, and for inflicting the Events of the last Three Days upon you all.
If there are any Questions you would like to ask, I am at your disposal.
Sincerely and with great regret,
HDS Goodsir
Surgeon, HMS Terror
[ After writing this, Harry resists the natural urge to hole up in the sick bay again and instead ventures out into the galley, ready for anyone who wants to talk to him. He is also fully expecting Dorian Gray to beat him within an inch of his life, and while he'd prefer if that didn't happen, he can't really blame the man. He just hopes that someone will be around to at least stop him from getting murdered outright. ]
I do not deserve it, but I humbly beg Forgiveness of each of you, for subjecting you to the Horrors of my own Guilt made manifest in that most dreadful of Nightmares.
I am sorriest in particular for what I, possessed by a Nightmare Soul, perpetuated against Mr. Dorian Gray and Miss Trixie, and I do not know what manner of Amends I may make. Mr. Gray was tortured terribly at my hands in the Pursuit of Scientific Inquiry, which in no way excuses my Crimes and indeed only renders them all the more Reprehensible. I treated Miss Trixie in a cold, High-Handed manner that she did not deserve, for she was only attempting to come to my Aid. It is She I have to thank for restoring me to my Senses, and I believe all should be grateful to her for that.
To everyone I owe some manner of Explanation.
My brother and I were students of one Dr. Robert Knox, notorious in Edinburgh for his association with the infamous Murderers, Burke and Hare. My brother always believed him Innocent of any Complicity, and perhaps he was, but I think I always harboured a certain Dread that one day my own Passion for Knowledge would overtake my Morals, just as may or may not have occurred with Knox.
Before I woke here, in this Dream-world, I was in the last extremity of the Arctic expedition, and there I committed certain Deeds that I regret to this very Moment. I permitted myself to be coerced into desecrating a Body at the behest of a Villain of the highest degree—the purpose being to prepare the poor man's flesh for Consumption—after which I engineered my own Death so as to also encompass that Villain's Destruction as well. When the Tuunbaq attacked us last week, I believed it was a Punishment for which I had been waiting all along. I dare say that it has been apparent to all that I have not been well since then—since some time before then, perhaps. In the depths of my Guilt and Self-Recrimination, I believed I had become that which I feared—a Beast on the order of the one who destroyed me, a Monster without Humanity.
Whilst I still have much to Repent, I believe I see Matters more clearly now. I am sorry—most deeply sorry—for not having sought Help before, and for inflicting the Events of the last Three Days upon you all.
If there are any Questions you would like to ask, I am at your disposal.
Sincerely and with great regret,
HDS Goodsir
Surgeon, HMS Terror
[ After writing this, Harry resists the natural urge to hole up in the sick bay again and instead ventures out into the galley, ready for anyone who wants to talk to him. He is also fully expecting Dorian Gray to beat him within an inch of his life, and while he'd prefer if that didn't happen, he can't really blame the man. He just hopes that someone will be around to at least stop him from getting murdered outright. ]
Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-26 10:54 pm (UTC)Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-26 11:22 pm (UTC)Speaking of Foul Deeds—I expect you are aware by now that Mr Gray and I Are at Odds?
I could not be more sorry for what happened to him, but I do not begrudge his Anger. I shall keep as clear of him as I can.
Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-27 11:15 am (UTC)Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-28 12:40 am (UTC)I shall. It is something of a Pity; had I learned about his Nature under happier circumstances, I would have many Questions for him. I shall have to let them remain Unanswered.
Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-28 12:56 am (UTC)What did you see, Mr. Goodsir?
Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-28 02:51 pm (UTC)He was subjected to Mutilation and Murder of the most grotesque sort, and recovered. His Organs grew back in the manner much like that in which the Crustacea regenerate their limbs, only as swiftly as breathing.
Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-28 05:15 pm (UTC)Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-28 07:20 pm (UTC)Whatever it is, I shall not be the man to ask.
Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-28 08:09 pm (UTC)It's just as well, Mr. Goodsir. As someone once told me, secrets never stay secret in this place for very long.
Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-29 01:12 am (UTC)True indeed.
There is one more thing. After the Nightmare, I discovered a small object on my person: a Walrus-ivory Amulet the exact twin of one that
SiLady Silence's Father carried. I believe it is a Representation of the Tuunbaq.I am not entirely certain what to make of it, but it does not feel like an Ill Omen. Miss Trixie suggests it means Forgivness. I think she may be right. Of Myself by myself, at the least.
Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-29 01:34 am (UTC)Keep it on you always, Mr. Goodsir. May it bestow its blessings on you.
Re: Private
Date: 2020-06-29 03:30 am (UTC)I shall cherish it, sir; of that you may be sure.