02. I have not Served a Patient to the Utmost of my Ability

[bestsir]

[ Within an hour or so of the ship being restored, this goes up. Harry writes quickly, particularly when he feels it's urgent. ]

I do not deserve it, but I humbly beg Forgiveness of each of you, for subjecting you to the Horrors of my own Guilt made manifest in that most dreadful of Nightmares.

I am sorriest in particular for what I, possessed by a Nightmare Soul, perpetuated against Mr. Dorian Gray and Miss Trixie, and I do not know what manner of Amends I may make. Mr. Gray was tortured terribly at my hands in the Pursuit of Scientific Inquiry, which in no way excuses my Crimes and indeed only renders them all the more Reprehensible. I treated Miss Trixie in a cold, High-Handed manner that she did not deserve, for she was only attempting to come to my Aid. It is She I have to thank for restoring me to my Senses, and I believe all should be grateful to her for that.

To everyone I owe some manner of Explanation.

My brother and I were students of one Dr. Robert Knox, notorious in Edinburgh for his association with the infamous Murderers, Burke and Hare. My brother always believed him Innocent of any Complicity, and perhaps he was, but I think I always harboured a certain Dread that one day my own Passion for Knowledge would overtake my Morals, just as may or may not have occurred with Knox.

Before I woke here, in this Dream-world, I was in the last extremity of the Arctic expedition, and there I committed certain Deeds that I regret to this very Moment. I permitted myself to be coerced into desecrating a Body at the behest of a Villain of the highest degree—the purpose being to prepare the poor man's flesh for Consumption—after which I engineered my own Death so as to also encompass that Villain's Destruction as well. When the Tuunbaq attacked us last week, I believed it was a Punishment for which I had been waiting all along. I dare say that it has been apparent to all that I have not been well since then—since some time before then, perhaps. In the depths of my Guilt and Self-Recrimination, I believed I had become that which I feared—a Beast on the order of the one who destroyed me, a Monster without Humanity.

Whilst I still have much to Repent, I believe I see Matters more clearly now. I am sorry—most deeply sorry—for not having sought Help before, and for inflicting the Events of the last Three Days upon you all.

If there are any Questions you would like to ask, I am at your disposal.

Sincerely and with great regret,
HDS Goodsir
Surgeon, HMS Terror

[ After writing this, Harry resists the natural urge to hole up in the sick bay again and instead ventures out into the galley, ready for anyone who wants to talk to him. He is also fully expecting Dorian Gray to beat him within an inch of his life, and while he'd prefer if that didn't happen, he can't really blame the man. He just hopes that someone will be around to at least stop him from getting murdered outright. ]

Comments

[spookylikeafox]

Hey, Doc, that was a wild ride. But where are you in time? Do you still use opium? Laudanum? Cocaine? Because I got shot and I'm all out of aspirin. I think it'll be fine, but if you've got the hard stuff, I won't complain.

[bestsir]

[ What even. ]

If you have been Shot, come to the sick bay. I shall treat you there.

[spookylikeafox]

Mulder had mostly been joking, but he did need something to take the edge off. And so he limped down to sick bay, hoping to find the doctor doing something.

Hey Doc?

[bestsir]

He'll find Harry sitting at his desk; there's a nasty bruise below his left eye that is turning into a proper black eye, and even though his collar is up and neckcloth straight, there's some reddish marks just visible on his neck. Nevertheless he rises to greet Mulder.

"Let me see—what happened?"

[spookylikeafox]

"Shot," he explains, looking over at him carefully, taking in the bruises and marks. "And then a very tall man with rough hands and absolutely no bedside manner dug the bullet out. But it doesn't seem infected." A pause as he sits and pulls up his pant leg to reveal the bandaged calf. "What happened to you?"

[bestsir]

"A fight," Harry says shortly, not really wanting to go into it. He busies himself instead with removing the dressing from Mulder's wound and examining it. "Rough work. But it seems to be healing well. If the pain is very bad, I have mandragora and laudanum as well."

[spookylikeafox]

He lets him inspect it, but actually laughs a bit at the explanation. "You were in a fight?" He composes himself, though, and looks down at the wound on his leg. "What's mandragora?' he asks. "Any other name for it?"

[bestsir]

"Mandrake. It isn't the best analgesic we have—that would be laudanum—but its effects are less ... deleterious in the long term." He sighs a little. "It was a very one-sided fight. Mr. Gray took offence, understandably, at what befell him in Edinburgh. I shall be staying well out of his way now."

[spookylikeafox]

Despite his joking earlier, Mulder isn't in the habit of actually getting into anything too mind altering. "The mandrake is fine, then," he tells him idly. "Gray hit you hard, then. Well, you don't seem like the fighting type, so better not to go pissing off those who are. Not that it was really your fault. I went and almost stabbed Trixie, so she shot me. But I don't hold it against her. I wasn't myself at the time." He pauses. "At least she didn't shoot me in the head."

[bestsir]

Harry nods and takes down the mandragora extract, measuring out a small quantity and handing it to Mulder. "May I ask—how were you transformed?"

[spookylikeafox]

"One of the guys digging up bodies," he explains, distracted for a moment as he takes the extract from him. "Apparently I was good at it. But I think I also just outright killed people, too. No one seemed to ask many questions."

[bestsir]

"Interesting. That makes your role rather like that of the criminals that I mentioned, William Burke and William Hare. Murderers who sold the bodies of their victims." He shakes his head. "I was just a boy when that happened, but one could hardly miss the sensation it caused."

[spookylikeafox]

"I read about Burke and Hare, I think. Once, a long time ago," he mutters. "Something Scully would have found fascinating, I think." He leans down and replaces his pant leg. "Thanks for this, Doc. And, uh...I'm sorry it happened."

[bestsir]

"You're welcome. Should you find the wound worsening, do not hesitate to come to me." He smiles a little. "I have learnt some fascinating things about the nature of infection from our fellow passengers. But I hope that I won't need to apply that knowledge too soon."

Animalcules. Imagine.

[spookylikeafox]

"I hope so, too.I'm sure I can figure out how to get some antibiotics, but thanks for the mandrake anyway. And you'll keep yourself out of trouble, yeah?" He slides down from the chair, leaning on his good leg. " Seeya around, Doc," he said as he started for the door.