Fitzjames understands, and he doesn't. Even though he's not had a draught
of madness, something about whatever it is that has hold of Strange feels
like it's tugging at his own mind; he can't explain why he decides to say
what he does for any other reason.
"James Fitzjames is a bad pun," he says. "Fitzjames, son of James—James
Gambier, diplomat and failure, and an unknown Portuguese woman from Brazil.
James Fitzjames is not even fully English." He swallows. "James Fitzjames
is an imposter. He lied about his age and obscured his history so that he
could gain a position as midshipman and build an officer's career. He paid
off a man who was blackmailing Sir John Barrow's son and saved the Barrow
family name, and the Admiralty would have given him any command he wished."
He can feel dampness on his cheeks.
"Francis Crozier calls me brother and still I don't feel I deserve it. I am
a dead man, but I walk and talk again and my heart beats and I love."
He passes his hand over his face.
"And that is why James Fitzjames is not James Fitzjames."
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rosecarmine
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-16 09:02 pm (UTC)Fitzjames understands, and he doesn't. Even though he's not had a draught of madness, something about whatever it is that has hold of Strange feels like it's tugging at his own mind; he can't explain why he decides to say what he does for any other reason.
"James Fitzjames is a bad pun," he says. "Fitzjames, son of James—James Gambier, diplomat and failure, and an unknown Portuguese woman from Brazil. James Fitzjames is not even fully English." He swallows. "James Fitzjames is an imposter. He lied about his age and obscured his history so that he could gain a position as midshipman and build an officer's career. He paid off a man who was blackmailing Sir John Barrow's son and saved the Barrow family name, and the Admiralty would have given him any command he wished."
He can feel dampness on his cheeks.
"Francis Crozier calls me brother and still I don't feel I deserve it. I am a dead man, but I walk and talk again and my heart beats and I love."
He passes his hand over his face.
"And that is why James Fitzjames is not James Fitzjames."